Sensual Massage, Touch and Intimacy

‘My touch can tell you what my words cannot
My touch can reach the places my heart feels
My touch can heal your deepest hurt
My touch can bring you the highest pleasure.’

There is magic in touch, there is comfort, healing, connection, warmth and melting pleasure.

We are sexual end sensual beings from the time we are born to the day we die.

We need touch, we crave to touch and be touched. Many studies have been done on those deprived of touch on infancy and childhood and the problems experienced by this lack.

It has been suggested that for optimum health an adult needs 8 hugs a day, 8 embraces that enfold you in someone’s arms, not just a quick grab and squeeze, slap on the back. How many hugs have you had today like that?

The world of sensual touch offers an endless range of pleasure and possibilities.

We need to understand the difference between sex and sensuality to understand the possibilities of this form of touch.

Sex is generally a goal-oriented, genital activity. The goal of sex is orgasm. Once that’s happened then the game’s over and we go on to the next activity, which for men is generally falling asleep. So perhaps it should be called ‘going’ rather than ‘coming’.

Sensuality is different. A sensual experience includes all that we are, from the top of our head to the soles of our feet and everything in between. Sensuality also includes our hearts, emotions and feelings.

This makes sensual massage and touch an intimate experience.

Sex is not necessarily intimate. It’s vulnerable but not intimate. When a man is asking for sex he’s vulnerable. When a woman opens her body she’s vulnerable.

If you’re having sex and your eyes are closed and you’re lost in some fantasy, there’s no intimacy in that.

Many women will tell you that kissing is often more intimate than sex.

Sensual massage and touch doesn’t have an end goal. It doesn’t have to go anywhere specific. It’s not always heading for orgasm.

One of the reasons sexual encounters are not always fulfilling, especially casual sex and one-night stands is that they offer a physical release, a few hours of touching, but no more.

It feels good but as soon as it’s done we’re looking for the next one.

What we’re looking for is intimacy, a deeper connection than just a pair of genitals sharing pleasure.

This is where the excitement of sensual touch and its many possibilities comes in. It even offers us different possible endings than sex.

Sex generally ends in orgasm unless you’re practicing Tantra and are aware of other Eastern sexual philosophies and practices. By focusing on reaching orgasm we move out of the moment, out of the pleasure we’re experiencing and into what we need to do to get to the orgasm.

Sensual touch puts us right in the present, in our bodies and fully here with our partner. It can become sexual but doesn’t have to; it may include genital playing but doesn’t have to.

It may be reciprocal or a gift that you give or receive from your partner. It can be a form of deep full service massage healing, of communication and connection.

It can be a picture that you paint on your lovers beautiful body or a poem that you write on their skin.

It can be a time of constant exploration of the wonder of both your bodies, for to do this type of massage is to explore yourself as much as your partner, so you get so much from giving. One common complaint is that one partner always gives more massage, more pleasure, initiates more than the other. This leads to frustration and anger and a feeling of resentment if I’m always the one massaging you and when you do reciprocate it’s often a perfunctory rub that leaves me feeling worse.

The single biggest sexual problem in relationships is boredom.

People lose interest in each other; they end up making love in the same position, same night, same time. It becomes a duty, just another thing we do.

Sensual massage and touch is never boring as it allows you to massage as an extension of how you feel. If you’re energetic and playful, you can touch one way, if you’re chilled and relaxed you can touch differently. There are no rules other than do what feels good for both of you.

You’re not bound to any specific massage routine. This comes from inside and anyone can do it.

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